Week ?? – It’s been a While and I’m not happy with myself.

So it’s been a few weeks now and I’m fixing it harder and harder to crack this addiction. With the holidays upon us it seems that every weekend feels like a food festival.  I don’t need help over eating or just simply eating stuff I’m not sub post to be eating. My will power is very low and can be easily talked into any bad meals (Fast Food). FAST FOOD is my Kryptonite! It can easily break me down. I love a good burger, and by good I mean any burger with fries.  Sometimes I feel like I don’t even notice what I’ve ordered.

I just want the weight gone! When I started this I had my self eating 2000 cals a day and it was going good for the first 3 months. Seem to be losing weight weekly and all was good then I hit a wall. I seem to be stuck around the 35 lbs lost mark and it didn’t seem to Mather what I did I would bounce around 363-365. A month has gone by now and I’m still stuck. I talk to others and even my doctor and was told to bump up my daily cal count. Only problem is when I did this I have lost very little I would even say that I would be at my maintain level of my cal intake. I’m going to the gym 3-5 days a week and do a min of 40 mins. It seems that these extra 800 cals that I try to take in daily to get my body out of starvation mode is only fuelling my addiction to eat more.

I found myself to be eating more and more. I have that extra 100 cal snack or that little more to help me out. I feel that it’s working against me. The more food I take in, the more that I miss on portions, the more I eat. I HATE this and am very frustrated right now. I asked my doctor to get in to see a nutritionist or a dietician to help me understand how much I should be eating. That was three weeks ago, she told me that if I don’t hear anything call back in a week, I called back and was asked to wait another. It makes me feel like maybe I’m not sub post to lose this week. Maybe this is the way I’m sub post to be. It feels like fate lets me get the door then slams it in my face to let me know that this is the way it’s going to be and live what little time I have left. Fate lets me sit for 7 hours  to see my doctor with nothing to eat because I knew I was going to need blood work done and was hoping to go after the appointment. Then two trips for blood work and then the less me open hope that I was going to see someone else that will help me understand what I may be doing wrong. How much can one person take!

This is why I have been overweight my whole life. It started with my family not helping me when I would ask for help growing up. Not showing me how to eat healthy, I ate a lot of garbage growing up. I don’t really remember ever having a healthy meal. Not once have I ever been given a proper portion size. Always tons of food and always offered second and thirds, even today this is the same. I going to family things and people see what I eat and worry that I’m not getting enough. Offer me food after food and am always told to not be afraid and to help myself or my wife or others are asked if they think if I got enough. I even remember when people would put more on my plate just because I was a big guy and it looked like I needed more and maybe too shy to ask.

I know I’m just running on with this post but I’m pissed off! Most of what’s above will make no sense. When I get upset I tend to miss words or even type the wrong ones that MS Word doesn’t fix for me. When I clam down a bit and all edit this post, but I needed to vent today!